I went into the construction business because of my passion for building. I love walking through a building under construction or being remodeled and visualizing what it will eventually become. I didn’t go into construction to sell but soon realized that I couldn’t build unless I sold. So, over the years, I spent a lot of time and money learning different techniques to sell and close, and through practice and going on tons of sales calls, became very good at both. But I never really enjoyed selling. It was just something I had to do so I could build. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the rush when I closed a sale (especially if I had “beaten” my competition) and that feeling of winning and being a winner. But I hated losing a sale, because that meant that I had failed and had been beaten. And this feeling became almost unbearable if I had lost several projects in a row.
A Different Approach
Then later in my career, I came across a video series by the author and coach Michael Neill, called a Different Way of Thinking About Selling, in which he asks “what if we change the definition of selling?”
A commonly accepted definition of selling is “the act of persuading someone of the merits of a product, idea or service.” Just by definition, this requires learning techniques to persuade someone, and then being able to use those techniques on actual sales calls without appearing that you’re trying to persuade them. Just thinking of this makes me nervous as this never became second nature to me and I always had this lingering thought that I wasn’t doing something right or sounded “salesy.”
But Michael Neill suggests we change the definition to “ Getting to know someone and then seeing if and how we can help them” This made so much sense and was the key for me to start enjoying selling all the time -not just when I made a sale. I’ve been getting to know people most of my life without using any techniques. It just requires being open, friendly, asking questions about them and being genuinely interested in what they say and feel. Approaching sales this way shifted my focus from “what can I get” to “what can I do for them.”
Think of how you would help a friend that wanted you to remodel their home. Wouldn’t you want to learn all that you could about their needs and expectations? Wouldn’t you be open and honest about what some of the potential problems could be? Wouldn’t you want to make sure that you were the best fit for their project and didn’t do anything to jeopardize your friendship? Wouldn’t helping be much more important than selling.
Trust: The Ultimate Differentiator
Let’s imagine that you haven’t sold any jobs in a while and now you’re going to meet the owners of a home that want to expand and remodel their kitchen and have a budget of $75,000, including the appliances. They are new to the area and plan on meeting with five different companies. Knowing these facts, you likely wouldn’t have agreed to meet with them, but as I said, you need the work. What are some of the thoughts you might have on your way the meeting? Can I get them to increase the budget? Can I get them to reduce the scope of work? How am I going to get this job? Why did I agree to meet with them?
On arriving, one owner answers the doorbell and you discover that she was a good friend from high school that you haven’t seen in years. She comes over and gives you a big hug and says how great it is to see you again. Now what are your thoughts about the meeting? More positive, more willing to spend time with them? More empathetic and caring? More focused on how you can help them than sell them?
As this thought experiment shows, we live in the emotions created by our thinking. As soon as you recognized a friend, your thinking shifted from self-oriented to other-oriented and you started focusing on their needs and not yours. And focusing on their needs is what builds connection and trust. And trust is the ultimate selling differentiator. I’ll say that again – trust is the ultimate selling differentiator. Don’t get me wrong, you still need to an expert in whatever type of work your company does and have a good reputation for reliability and quality. No sales approach can replace those.
In the book “The Trusted Advisor” by David Maister, Charles Green, and Robert Galford, the authors present a trustworthiness equation they developed after conducting thousands of interviews with their clients. The equation is (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy)/ Self -Orientation, where:
- Credibility is your expertise, knowledge, how believable you are when you speak: Do you know your stuff?
- Reliability is your dependability and follow-through on commitments: Do you do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it?
- Intimacy is the safety and security that people feel when entrusting you with something: Do people feel comfortable being vulnerable with you?
- Self-orientation, which is considered the most crucial factor, refers to your focus: Are you primarily focused on your needs, agenda, ego, gain or the other person’s needs, goals and interests?
As you can see from the equation, the lower your self-orientation, the more trustworthy you are considered. So again, the more you are genuinely focused on the needs of the person you are meeting with, and the less on yours, the more trusting they will feel about you.
This approach doesn’t mean you will close every opportunity. Just as with people in general, you are not going to connect with everyone you meet. Who we are and what we offer professionally will not be a good fit for some people – they may not be able to afford you, have a schedule that doesn’t work for you, or you may just not connect. But this approach will help you to realize that so that you can politely decline the project instead of trying to force a square bolt into a round hole.
Even though this approach doesn’t require any special techniques, there are some skills that you can develop that will help you use it effectively:
- Listen. I define active listening as the ability to listen without assuming what is going to be said or formulating a response before the other person is done speaking. As Michael Bungay Sanier said in his book “The Coaching Habit”, stay curious a little longer, and rush to action and advice giving a little more slowly. Your goal is to find out as much as you can about them and what is motivating them to do this project. That requires listening, not talking.
- Question. Ask open ended questions, such as: What’s motivating you to do this project? What would make this project a success? What’s your biggest concern? What will you do if the cost is higher than your budget? Questions like these require some thought and often times the answers will open up potential problems and solutions that might not have been considered.
- Breathe. Using breathing exercises prior to the meeting will help you remain calm, which in turn will help you to stay focused and present.
I discovered a significant benefit to adopting this approach was experiencing less discouragement when I lost a sale. I no longer considered losing a sale as failure; it was simply confirmation of the reality that we and our service are not a fit for everyone. And when selling became enjoyable, the need to win faded away. It still felt great when I sold a project, actually even better, because I knew my company was the best fit. But it was okay when I lost a project, because I didn’t need the win to feel good about myself or what I was doing. So instead of fretting about what I did wrong and getting discouraged, I looked forward to meeting the next person I could get to know and help.
